Once upon a time, we had lots of friends. Whoever wanted to play cops-n-robbers on the monkey bars or didn't mind being Ken was our friend. Not much later, by third or fourth grade, factions broke out. There were desks with more valentines on them than others, there were sleepovers some girls weren't invited to. From there, friendship became political. The popular girls, the studious girls, the biker girls, the artsy girls, the sorority girls, the Henry Hudson Fourth Floor Dorm girls.
Along the way, we picked friends up who stayed in our lives, letting others go. We made friends out of convenience. Co-workers, neighbors, fellow moms, our husbands' colleagues.
At some point, in our 30's or 40's, friends became harder to make. We were busy. Potential friends were busy. We had families or had learned to rely on ourselves (or food or booze or eBay). Our characters were becoming more codified and, hence, some behaviors drove us apart. The heavy drinking pal was lost, we were found to be too caustic or gossipy.
Women with sisters in any close proximity of age, I have noticed, are not usually in need of friends.
The Fat Friend has her place as confident to the pretty friends or the gay friends. This, too, is political.
I have experienced all of this. I suspect you have, as well.
I have also watched my very elderly mother go through a renaissance in friendships, made in her quilting group in the retirement city where she lives. Lately, I've witnessed her over-using them because she has a broken knee. They have become wary of what she will ask for next.
When I think of girl friendships, I think of Carrie Fisher pulling out her rolodex in When Harry Met Sally or all the ladies piled on a bed confessing stories of depression in An Unmarried Woman. These moments don't happen very often, or they don't to me.
Definitions of "friendship" are sparse. Encarta gives three; its secondary meaning is "the mutual feelings of trust and affection and the behavior that typify relationships between friends". Interestingly, Microsoft Bookshelf has no definition of "friendship". Its thesaurus, however, gives some nice parallels. Amity, concord, chumminess, companionship, togetherness, belonging, alignment, sisterhood, support, cooperation, familiarity, intimacy, knowledge.
Only in the word "alignment," of the many synonyms I pulled out of Microsoft, demands having the same opinions, beliefs, paths. It's clumped with such words as "sorority" and "association," intimating that it is, in fact, another political spin on the phenom.
These days, my friends are mostly scattered around the country. My friendships, however, are in our hearts & speed dials & email address books. Our friendships are in Christmas cards and reactions of "Of course you are!" when I announce I'm dropping my dogs and book to go to clown school. They're in photos and memories of when she wanted to become a nun.
Friendship might better qualify as a verb. I'm not sure that "association" or even "marriage" is so verb-oriented, so tactile, present-tense and effort-oriented as both of these social constructs are.
I'm ruminating because I'm trying write about how we have added a third response to our hypothalamus or whatever it is that controls reactions: fight, flight or blog.

A year ago, three of the Angry Fat Girls congregated in Brooklyn with me. Lori remembers that no one said, "It's nice to meet you". The greeting was, "It's nice to see you". I think I could say that of many responders to our blogs.
To write for each other and to each other is an act of courage, generosity, openness. Even the occasional mean person has put him/herself out there to dare the brunt of our reactions.
A friend is a platitude. A friendship is a grace.
I have a little lump in my throat as I ponder those last two sentences. I miss my friends, my family, Montana, my thin body. But I am graced with many friendships, kinship, and a body that works and houses the heart and mind behind these words. Had I not gained weight, I would not be writing this, or thanking you, or thinking of you. If I had no hope of a new recovery, I would also be absent. Or dead, maybe. Our friendships have brought us the grace of listeners, confirmation, forgiveness, sympathy, information, approval, identity.
In the act of friendship we are angels.